The New

You can choose to live in a world where you’re terrified of darkness or you can live in a world where your God terrifies the darkness. 

I chose years ago to accept Jesus into my life, but before that, the enemy tried to convince me I was a good person, almost like God should have felt honored to have me on his team. I even went through a period where, looking back, I think that I thought I was a Christian, but I didn’t pray, I didn’t read the Bible, and honestly, I didn’t even know who God really was personally. I only knew what the church or other “Christians” had taught me. That’s like saying I’m good buddies with Will Smith because I like his acting, and we’ve been BFF’s since “The Fresh Prince of Bellaire” aired.

Then I hit the wall of bad decisions, betrayal, and some abuse. I felt used up and like God would never want me, but I wanted God to pay back the people who had hurt me. After all, that’s what some of my “Christian” people had taught me: “Vengeance is mine, thus sayeth the Lord. I will REPAY!!!” (Insert Darth Vader’s “Imperial March” background music here)

But, as I waited and saw no vengeance, I went through this phase where the enemy convinced me that God was not real because I never saw him show up when I asked him for help, much like when Will Smith didn’t come through when I asked him for help with my finances. 

    But aren’t we buddies, Will? 😂

For a while I lived in a world overwhelmed with depression, fear, and self-abuse, and then I just decided that I would end my life, but just before I did, I uttered the words, “Jesus, if you’re real, then show up.”

Those words terrified the enemy. He had fought me so hard at every angle to keep me from saying them.

I had felt wretched and unwanted. I felt like a used up piece of trash, and the one place I sought hope gave me judgement instead. The enemy made sure my eyes stayed focused on that, and looking back, I’m not even sure why I said those words that day, except this–during EVERYTHING, JESUS never stopped pursuing me–never stopped loving me.

Up to that point, what I had seen was not God’s reality for my life. It was the enemy’s facade engulfing me. I once heard Tony Evans say, “If what you see is all you see, then you have not seen all there is to be seen.”

I had lived so long amongst the darkness that I had adopted depression as my personality type. I told people: “It’s who I am,” but the moment I invited Jesus to show up, a light shined into my darkness. Everything that wasn’t of him–all the darkness, all the hopelessness, all the anger– immediately blew out of the room. I still struggle to explain what happened that day, so I’ll just say this:


Here’s the point, we are living in uncertain times, but Jesus IS certainty, and when we belong to him, we have NOTHING to fear. He pushes back darkness. He breaks every addiction. He places our feet on stable ground. He makes all things new, and his mercy begins anew every morning. He provides our needs. He heals us. He is our peace. He never walks out on us. He never abandons us. He never disowns us, and if there is a separation from Him, it’s because we did to Him what He would NEVER do to us–WE walked away, and here’s something incredible to note, if we turn around and run back to him, he runs toward us too. (Don’t believe me, read Jesus’ story of the “Prodigal Son.” Luke 15:11-32)

So, hear me in this, if you’ve decided to live life without Jesus, it’s because you’re still in the matrix of the enemy, walking through a facade and convincing yourself that it’s “your truth.” (Disclaimer: There is no “your truth;” there is ONLY truth.)

When you turn and seek Jesus, you will find he’s been there all the time, waiting to allow him to make EVERYTHING new in your life and making you something incredible, beautiful, and completely new.

Jesus said it this way:

“I am the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE…” (John 14:6) In Him you will find the way, God’s eternal plan for your life. In Him you will find ALL truth. In Him you will FIND your incredible life…2.0.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!             2 Corinthians 5:17

 So lay down your worries, your fears, and all your junk at His feet, take his hand, and just follow him. Your adventure awaits, and this time…it’s going to be so much better than you could ever ask or even imagine. (Ephesians 3:20) 😁


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