Trepidation

Bang!

His breath caught, as he shot up in his bed. He felt the breeze of something sinister moving past him. Searching for glances of whatever had entered his room during his sleep, His pupils dilated as his eyes darted back and forth across the swarthy room.

Suddenly, the apparition rose before his eyes. With every ounce of oxygen in his lungs, he burst forth with a shrill scream. He darted off the end of his bed and ran for help as fast as his legs could carry him.

My bedroom door threw open with such force that it banged against the wall behind it. “Help me!” My six-year-old son’s voice cried for help as he ran toward me shaking in fear and buried his face into my chest.

I tried to pluck his face from me, but he would not have it. Trembling, he fought against me. He was so terrified, all he could muster was, “It’s in my room! It tried to get me!”

I finally coerced my son to settle on my bed, so that I could go to my son’s room and handle this evil creature that had DARED to enter the room of my child. I rose to my feet, and adjusted my pajama top with one eyebrow raised and fire in my eyes. I was going in for battle with all the tenacity of a Ghost Buster on a mission to rid my home of this apparition, and I intended to do some spiritual damage to the kingdom of darkness. This enemy would regret entering the home of a saint of God, and he’d leave with the burn marks across his booty as proof. I holstered my feet in my slippers, and I marched with my back arched and head held high as a child of God, armed with all the forces of heaven.

I threw the door open and flipped on the light. “Hello, darkness! So…you came on a suicide mission, did you?” My grin cocked to one side girded with intimidation. I searched the room for whatever I could see. I found nothing. Never mind, I prayed anyway. I didn’t have to see anything to know the enemy was against us, followers of Jesus. He has an unwavering, hell-bent desire to get at us any chance he can get.

I closed my eyes, and I prayed with resolve, knowing this battle was over before I had even begun. I claimed the scriptures:                

James 4:7 “….Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

Romans 8:61      “….If God is for us, who can be against us?”

Romans 8:37      “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”

Suddenly, I felt the cold breeze against my face that my son had spoken of. I opened my eyes, and to my surprise, his box fan had wiggled free of its little plastic leg and fallen against the hard floor.

Oh, the bang, my mind began to untangle. Then my investigative…CSI wannabe…streak began to kick in. I looked up to discover that my son’s birthday balloon had shimmied free of the bed post where it had been tied, as it was thrust back and forth until it plucked itself loose and slowly floated past the closet light that we left on. And there’s the floating apparition. I chuckled within myself at our folly.

Then the Lord began to speak to my heart. (Don’t you love those teachable moments where God himself begins to speak to our hearts.)

Misty, how often you are hindered in your own life from accomplishing all that I have for you by your own fears.

I was kind of insulted. After all, this was my young son’s mistake, not mine, and no way, am I like that. Then the Lord reminded me of the talents He has given me, and how so few times I actually use them because of my own struggles with feeling not good enough or strong enough in them. I look at others and think of how they do the same thing, only better than I. I thought of my self-esteem struggles that hold me back, feeling not attractive enough or too overweight. I thought of some of the times I haven’t done things to help others out of fear of my own abilities not being strong enough or times I haven’t given to others because of fear of my own finances. The thoughts continued to come, and then the big one hit…God reminded me of His Word:

“For God hath not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  2 Timothy 1:7

“I sought the LORD, and He answered me, and deliver me from ALL my fears.” Psalm 34:4

Then the Lord even pointed out that often times blessings that He gives me, like the birthday balloon I had given my son, become a source of fear for me. He opens doors, and I step back in fear, with my head down, refusing to do what He has designed and destined me to do, out of fear that I just might fail. It did not even make sense. I had repeatedly refused to walk in this incredible plan God himself, my master designer, had created me to do, because I was in so much fear that I just might fail, before ever even trying.

I knelt down at the foot of my son’s bed, and I prayed for God to forgive me for choosing fear as my companion more often than trusting God and walking in the strength that God brings me. I prayed for forgiveness for creating Plan B’s and backup plans so often, in fear that God may not work out correctly all the promises He made to me or that my talents may not be efficient enough to fulfill all that God has laid before me. All of this is fear!

Then I prayed over my son’s bed. “Lord, give my son strength and courage to become all that you created him to be. Let no one’s word over him deter Him from your plan, and I bind any more fear that the enemy tries to use to manipulate him. He IS the man of God that you created him to be in the name of Jesus.”

As I walked back to my room, the word trepidation came to mind. I quickly grabbed my phone to do some research, and I learned that the word originates from the Latin meaning to be in such fear that you are trembling. How many times have I frozen in fear, trembling, instead of moving forward. Never again.

Here’s the funny part of this lesson God walked me through, satan did not even have to work hard to strike this fear. He didn’t have to intimidate or even show up. He simply took the circumstances, and manipulated my son’s mind to fabricate the rest, the thud, the breeze, the shadow, and so many times, he has done the same to me…and I’m assuming that if you’ve read this far, he’s done the same to you too. NEVER AGAIN!!!

 

So, if you take anything from this post, let it be this proclamation:

Today, I walk freely, in all that God has for me. I will not try to predict whether I am good enough, strong enough, or valuable enough. I will simply walk forward in boldness and confidence in knowing that if God called me to it, He will walk me through it, and it is in Him that I am able to do and accomplish more than I could ever ask or even think, for I am MORE than a conqueror in Christ Jesus, and where God does not part the waters for me to walk through on dry ground, I walk in faith that I will walk right on top of the water with Jesus holding my hand. Because I know, when I choose God and His plan for me, over fear, I choose the beginning of something truly AMAZING!